Water...

I cannot tell you how awful I feel about this. We've been keeping Rocky on a tie out since he was jumping the fence by the steps. For some stupid, idiotic reason, neither me nor my husband thought to check the length of the tie out. For the last few days, Rocky hasn't had any water. I mean, nothing. He normally spends his days outside, where there is a steady supply of water, unless he's on a tie out. I went to let him in tonight and he was tangled up around a tree. He kept looking towards where the water is but never made an attempt to go TO the water after I took him off the tie out. And you know why? Because overall, he's a really good dog. He knew it was time to go inside and knew he needed to stay with me. I had just mopped the backroom so when we came back in the house, there were still a few wet spots. He went to those and decided that no matter how thirsty he was, THOSE were not drinkable. ;) It was at about that time that the bells went off in my head. I filled his bowl with water. I swear, I've never heard a dog drink like that. He might as well of had a straw. It made me sick to think that all this time, he's been thirsty and expecting us to take care of it for him and we haven't. I didn't give him a lot of water tonight as I was afraid he would make himself sick. He had that bowl and then smaller amounts since then. I'll be giving him some more at least one more time before I go to bed. I can't even explain how badly I feel.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!
I had suspicions a few months ago but nothing concrete. Nothing that screamed at me. Just a feeling here and there. Every day the feeling has gotten a little stronger. (or at times the lack of) I'm pretty sure I have carpel tunnel syndrome in my right hand. A few days ago I woke up with very little feeling in my hand and then when I did have feeling, it was like tiny lightning bolts running through my wrist and fingers. Today my wrist has been sore all day with mild tingling in the fingers. It's the kind of pain that you expect to look down and see something swollen. Yet, no outward signs that something is wrong. I wore one of my husband's wrist braces for a few hours earlier in the day and it seemed to help. Of course, being stubborn, I assumed the worst was over, took the brace off and started cleaning. Or more like scrubbing. I tried using my left hand but you just can't get things quite as clean with your non dominant hand. I have things to do. Things that need scrubbing. (forgive me, I believe I'm also "nesting" and scrubbing was what I HAD to do today) I scrubbed the kitchen floor, and counters. After that I thought I was done scrubbing. However, there was a huge container of apple juice on the kitchen floor. It was clutter. I hate clutter. It needed to go. There isn't any room in the fridge for something so large. I could've just left it there. I could've thrown it in a cabinet until the other thing of juice had been drank. Nesting is like a horrible, awful cleaning addiction however and I just had to do something about that juice. I decided to not only clean out the fridge but also to scrub every inch of the thing. Ah that's better, now the juice fits. Hmmm, trash is way full. Trash must go. Trash heavy. Husband will pay for it tomorrow. Why? He didn't leave the trash can where it's supposed to be. He moved it so that I would be forced to take said trash out the back door, and out the fence. As I said, trash heavy. Trash went OVER the fence, where it sits on the ground. Husband will have to pick up the trash and put it in it's proper place tomorrow. Once that was done I thought I'll quickly mop the backroom. Hmpf. I should mention I told my husband I absolutely would not be touching that room with any cleaning supplies until there was new linoleum on the floor. The dogs ate half of the one that is back there so it's damn near pointless to clean it and next to impossible to make it look any better. Therefore it's been a while since I've done any cleaning of any kind. This is the same room where the dogs spend a great deal of their time. The dogs come in after swimming, then playing in the dirt. It gets dusty and dirty. It took a little bit of cleaning to get the dirt up. I'm paying for all of the above. Moving my wrist much at all is quite uncomfortable. I can't have the brace on at the moment because my daughter insists on playing with the velcro instead of trying to go to sleep. If the pain continues to get worse over the coming week, I may be making an appointment with my regular doctor. I'm fairly certain this is just another pregnancy thing however and there's not much they can do for it while I'm pregnant even if it's not. But it may not be carpel tunnel so if it continues, I should go in and have it looked at. (carpel tunnel syndrome is quite normal in pregnancy and is a result of swelling pressing on the nerves)
I had Jasmine try on all of her Halloween costume today. I wanted to make sure everything fit correctly in case I needed to run out and grab something. Everything looks fine and seems more comfortable than it was when we first bought it now that most of the witch's dress isn't actually touching her skin. I took several pictures of her today as you never know if you'll be able to get her back into something like that again. These last few weeks she'll wear dresses but only in the house. If we, god forbid, try to leave the house with a dress on, it's a massive meltdown of tears. I've tried to prepare her well in advance and let her know what will happen tomorrow to hopefully avoid the meltdown. This will be her first year actually knocking on strangers doors. It makes me laugh when I explain what I want her to do however. You're going to go knock on strange people's doors and take candy from them. Here you're supposed to teach your kid not to talk to strangers and most definitely don't take candy from them. ;) When I was a kid, I looked forward to Halloween. Now that I HAVE a kid, it's a different feeling. There's crazy people out everyday but I think they're able to fly under the radar a little more on this particular day. And then you have the child molesters who hopefully, don't have their lights on outside their houses but you never know. And even though I'm going to be with her (as will my husband and one of our dogs) you still don't want your kid taking candy from a molester, or speaking to them or having them even so much as look at your kid. Then there's always the idiots who go out and get smashed at some Halloween party, drive home drunk and cause accidents. Hopefully they wait till the trick-or-treaters have all gone home before they take their careless drive to where ever they're going, otherwise you have some drunk driving down the road with little kids walking on the same road. Yes, I worry a lot but when it's your kid, you're bound to worry. Having kids is like putting your life in their hands. If something happens to them, your life ends. So yeah, you worry. However, if it had been up to my husband, I would've been on the sex offenders website for Indiana, making a list of what houses to avoid. So, I could be worse. ;)

Toys

My daughter's latest thing is to watch the commercials during her favorite shows, very carefully. I swear she's making a list for Christmas in head at all times. She'll look at me very sweetly and say 'Mom, I wish I could have that.' She's not asking for it, she's just stating that she wishes it would appear in her living room one day. It's never the cheap toys either. One is a giant dollhouse with motorized parts and whatnot, another, a completely robotic dinosaur. I'm thinking, why can't you want a my little pony or something that costs a few bucks? I tried explaining the current state of the economy and such but she just laughs at me. As if I just told her the greatest joke in history, then she asks for a cookie.

Ick

I wasn't feeling well last night before I found out about the electrical problems but thought it had blown over by about 6am. I even woke up at 9am to the UPS guy and felt ok. However, around noon I seriously thought I was going to throw up. I woke up sweaty and feeling awful. I laid on the bathroom floor for a while before I went into the coldest room in our house and sat in a worn chair for a while. Eventually I felt well enough to go back to the bedroom. I watched some cartoony crap with Jasmine for a while. All day I just haven't felt right. Here it is midnight and husband starts coughing in his sleep. Then he's sitting up waving bye to me. Uhm, no you get up in about four hours buddy. Whatever, I figure he'll realize his mistake by the time he makes it to the bathroom. Instead I hear him throwing up for a good while. When my kid throws up, I'm ok, doesn't bother me. Apparently, when my husband does it, it makes me a little.... symptomatic? I would like to try and sleep since I didn't get much sleep last night but I keep hearing his stomach rolling and I'm thinking 'dude please don't puke on me, please don't puke on me.' I think I'll end up watching some tv instead to drown out the noise. Poor husband. Hopefully he just inhaled wrong and it made him sick. (that's what it sounded like right before he woke up)
My mom had what sounds like a house full of people today. I wasn't totally "with" it when I talked to her so I can't recall all the details. She did have an electrician there and it sounds like he was there for a long time. The people who put in her furnace had to come out because when they got the power back on, it wasn't working. Blew a something or other. Several electrical things don't work from tv's to light sockets. I think they said that there was ice on the lines last night from the rain/sleet/snow we received and it somehow caused the power problems. I wish I could remember everything but my brain, as I said, just hasn't been with it. The homeowners insurance will be pleased to get that fax, I'm sure. At least they have heat now.

4am Ringing Phones Never Bring Good News

I'm sitting here watching tv. Getting ready to go to bed. I hear a phone ringing and assume it's the tv. I mean really, it's 4:30am here and no one is going to be calling. I mute the tv however just to be on the safe side, no more ringing. Ok, just the tv. Once the next commercial came on, I decided I'd better check just in case something happened to my mom or Shawn on their way to work. I immediately see the light on the phone blinking, indicating I have a new message. Heart rate picks up. Then I realize I have no idea what the number is. My brain goes through all possibilities. Something happened to someone at work and one of their friends called from their cell to tell me. Wrong number. Could be anything. I listen to the message. It's my mom. The message is garbled but I understood, house fire and won't be into work, might come to your house to get warm. Heart rate resumes intense speed. I still have no idea who's number I'm calling but I dial it anyways. My brother answers. Oh yeah, he got a new cell phone. Need to write that number down. I ask him what happened. I'll tell you what I know as of right now. My brother, Jason woke up around 3am and noticed his small box fan had stopped working. Being a male, he decided to hit it a few times. The fan came back on but at a lower speed that it was supposed to be on. Jason went back to sleep. Half hour later, he wakes up because he smells something and keeps hearing a crackling/popping sound. By now he's waking up and thinking wtf? He looks at the ceiling, no fire coming from there and then he looks towards the outlet in his room. Sparks are coming out of his outlet and far. He rips the power cord out of the wall. (it's connected to his tv, and computer stuff so it's got a surge protector) He goes downstairs to tell my mom something is definitely messed up in the house. While he's explaining, the lights continue to dim and then flare up really bright. I'm sure there was quite a few wtf moments. They called the fire department. At some point and time, the refrigerator door was opened and the bulb blew just from being turned on. Turned on a light in the bathroom and it blew. The fire department gets there, goes upstairs to my brother's room and the sparks have stopped but now they're hearing noise from the room next door, my mom's bedroom. They go in there and there's sparks and smoke coming from my mom's outlets. Another fireman goes in the basement and thinks the light is messed up so he tries to screw it back in so he can see what he's doing. That bulb blows and smoke starts coming from it. They turn off the power to the house. They checked the house for any hot spots or any sign that there may be fire in the walls but didn't find anything. There is no power going to my mom's house now. Some how (I don't remember how) they find that it's the power line causing the surges in power to the house. Basically, the line would send in only half the normal amount of power to the house and then it would try to make up for that lost power by sending in 1 1/2 power. The surges in power were causing the sparks from the outlets. Who knows how much of the electrical stuff is fried, including the conductors and wires going to and from each room. It's really scary to think what could happen when they DO get the power working correctly. Could something be messed up in the walls that they won't notice right away and then catch fire later? This is the second or third time the house has tried to burn down. One was New Year's Eve several years ago, the ceiling light in the kitchen caught fire, I put it out, called the neighbor told him to call the fire department if the house burned down and went to a party. (hey I was young and I made sure to call and tell my mom what had happened) AEP will be out today to do whatever they're going to do. If my brother for whatever reason, hadn't been there, there's a good chance my mom's house would've burned down. My grandmother, mom and brother all live in that house, along with numerous pets. It's going to be hard for me to fall asleep. Your adrenaline gets going even though the actual event is over with and there's nothing you can do to stop it, not when people you love are involved. I called my husband after getting off the phone with my brother. I'm sure I freaked him out a little bit as well. Now he has something to talk about at lunch. If they all get too cold at the house (did I mention it's STILL snowing that white stuff?) then they'll be heading over here. I may not sleep much today. Breath, relax, get comfortable and maybe sleep. Or repeat the first three until the last one happens. Me and my brother joked before we got off the phone that maybe he should go upstairs and blow out the candles he was using to see in his room. They'd have to call out the fire department again and then tell AEP there's no more need to come to a house that doesn't exist. Morbid jokes to make light of a scary situation. That's how we roll. ;)~ In case either of you two forgot.

In other news...

Looks like Rocky got himself into a rescue. Although we will be "fostering" him till a home is found, at least it's something. I was so glad when the lady wrote me back and gave me the go ahead. This is the only rescue that has given me the time of day. I wrote to all the major pit bull rescues around here and got nothing. One email to this tiny rescue and he's on his way.
Everything was normal at the OB's office today. He said it was my decision whether I wanted to get the 3 hour gestational diabetes testing. I think for my peace of mind, I will. I had him get me an order so that I can get it at the other place, however. Go figure, the nurse that drew my blood, was the same nurse that took me back today and was very aware that I decided not to have my blood drawn there again. I really hope I don't need her to poke me for anything in the near future. Yikes. It was after hours for the blood bank when I got out of my appointment however so I'll have to stop down there another day to find out what I need to do beforehand.

The weekly photos

They said we probably wouldn't even notice it. They said it would melt the second it hit the ground. They said it would only be a tiny amount. Lies, all lies! I have an inch of snow on my front porch. A full, no doubt about it, inch. I'm sure it'll be gone tomorrow morning but for now, there is snow. SNOW. In October. Shows what "they" know. I was only initially aware of the snow when I was on my way outside to get the pumpkins to murder, er, carve. After I got all the *snow* off of them, I put them by the heater to warm up. Jasmine picked out which designs to carve. Although after the first carving, she was MIA, watching tv. First up, the lumpy ghost. ;)


And then this weird guy. She actually wanted a different one, very similar to him but it wouldn't fit on the pumpkin. I had to downsize to this guy. I'd still like to do a white pumpkin but don't know if I'll find one before Halloween. These two pumpkins were extremely easy to carve. In years past, it's been like sawing through cement. These were soft and didn't offer much resistance.


This is the vine that is now in my living room. It's almost as tall as I am. This plant really creeps me out. Within 24 hours of having it in the house, it wrapped one vine completely around our antennae, almost a full foot away from it. All the flowers began faces the exact same direction, which would be towards anyone walking through to the kitchen. It's like they have eyes and are following you. I turned it to face a different direction because they were freaking me out. The plants have eyes. ;)
Jasmine with Saffron, one of the foster kittens. I have two of her and him that are cuter but she is lacking in the clothing department so until I can photoshop them, they won't be up on the internet.

Speaking of lacking clothing.... I allowed this one because you don't "see" anything. You can't blame me for making her go underwear only while getting gooey with pumpkin guts. I think she enjoyed ripping the insides out a little too much.

Rocky

Yesterday, Rocky lit a fire under us to get us moving on trying to rehome him. My husband let Rocky outside and went into the garage, thinking if he tried to jump the fence, my husband would see him go past the garage doors. Well, he didn't see him and the next thing my husband heard was Rocky trying to eat the neighbors dogs through their fence. The good thing, Rocky came as soon as he was called. (I'm sure the neighbor lady was relieved) The next time we let Rocky out, we used the tie out that we used last year when Cash was getting out (before we discovered the power of an electric fence) and Rocky still managed to jump the fence. Now however, he has the tie out attached to his collar. I don't think I need to explain the dangers that are there. We moved the tie out away from the fence, which forces us to walk outside with him to get to the tie out. Let me tell you, it's in the 30's tonight, it was not fun searching for the tie out and then untangling him later. (he wrapped the thing around the post a dozen or times and rather than be forced to deal with it when I first wake up, I decided to do it now) Therefore, last night I contacted a rescue to see if they could help us. Now, some of you may remember this past spring I contacted dozens of rescues and got told I was S.O.L. One woman told me to give up all my other dogs because it wasn't Rocky's fault he was a pit bull. Uhm, rehome one dog or rehome six? I figured I'd get a similar response from this rescue and I'd just continue emailing one a day until hopefully, someone offered to help. The only thing I did differently this time around, I left out the fact that he's a pit bull in my initial email. The rescue emailed me back and said as long as I could foster him, they could probably help me out. I emailed them back tonight with photos and telling her that he was a pit bull (they have several in their rescue) and the reasons I didn't disclose his breed immediately. I find being as honest as possible is the best way to go. I also told her I would understand if this changed her mind. Hopefully, I'll get an email back telling me she can still help me. Fingers crossed. I'm also offering a donation to the rescue that helps me, which is added incentive as he's up to date on all shots, neutered and on heartworm preventive. The only thing they have to do is put him up for adoption.
Tomorrow I have an OB appointment. I'm so glad it's with this particular doctor and not one of the others. I feel comfortable enough with him to explain my reasoning for not having the three hour glucose testing done at the office than I would with any of the other doctors. Here's hoping I don't get too much of a scolding. ;)

Easing Stress

I was having trouble relaxing tonight and knew if I didn't work things out on paper, I wouldn't be getting much in the way of sleep later. The bills don't normally freak me out but occasionally (about once every three months) they keep me up at night. At this point, I'm pretty sure we have enough money coming in to cover the bills, gasoline and grocery's. This wasn't always the case. A year or so ago, we had more bills than money. Ok, so we could pay the bills on time every month but we wouldn't be eating or driving anywhere, literally. Now, looking over the bills and incoming money, I think we actually have enough coming in that if we really wanted to, we could actually do that thing... what's it called? Oh yeah, save some of it. I'm not completely certain as I couldn't get on a few of the websites that we have bills through so I had to guesstimate. Anything I wasn't sure of, I guessed anywhere from $25 to $50 higher than what I thought. Now why is every single bill we owe, always, always late? We piss it away to be quite frank. This is what was a problem for me tonight. I needed to know exactly what needed to be saved back weekly for bills as opposed to monthly. We have always had better luck paying bills that were due at the end of the week rather than the end of the month. I figured out how much each bill was divided by 4 and then added those figures up for a weekly amount. It would be great if when taxes came, we could use that money to fix up some of the house and possibly even do that saving thing, rather than have all of it go to late bills. Yes, it's more fun to spend it when you have it but it would be nice to feel secure. I'm still adapting to this adult thing. When I was a kid and into my teens, I occasionally heard the "adults" say things similar to "Just because I'm an adult, doesn't mean I know what the hell I'm doing." I think most of us are just winging it. There is no instruction manual on how to do everything correctly all the time. You can be told a hundred times, the easiest way to do things (i.e. pay bills on time) but you have to learn to do it and stick to it on your own. I have a great deal of self control in my life, unless you throw money into the mix. Particularly if I'm hungry. Eating out is always easier than spending the time cooking the meal and then cleaning up after it. Everyone close to me knows that my stomach rules my life. If I'm hungry, everyone around me is miserable. If I'm hungry, I will spend money to immediately fix it. And then feel guilty for spending it afterwards. I need to get control of my stomach. Bad stomach, on time out for you.
We did not go to a movie today. We were out most of the day doing the shopping we haven't gotten done. Afterwards we went to dinner with my dad. It went well, other than the fact that Jasmine insisted on itching her butt the entire time. I'd get her to stop and then look over, she's itching again. She'd finally stopped by the time we went to do our grocery shopping, thankfully. It aggravated me all through dinner however. When we, finally, got home, we put on a movie. The Happening... sucks. Ok, I guess sucks is a strong word but it wasn't a great movie. I wanted to see something that was in line with this month being October and Halloween so it was between that and The Strangers. Husband thought The Strangers looked scarier for a toddler so we went with The Happening. I had to cover that poor kid's eyes so often she might as well have kept them closed through the whole thing. I just didn't want her seeing person after person commit suicide. I mean, how do you explain that to a 3 year old? Every time she asked me what had happened I would say something completely opposite of what had happened. (guy sits down to slit his wrists, I told her he was playing with rocks on the ground, since the last thing she saw was him sit down by rocks) As long as it stopped the endless questions, I was pretty ok with it. ;)

Movie Guilt

God help me, I just watched the trailer for the chi-chi movie and dare I say, it looks... cute. The movie Appaloosa looks really good but I don't know if she would sit through it. A part of me thinks I deserve to see an adult movie. (I have no babysitter so don't suggest it) The other part of me feels like I'm punishing her by making her sit through such a movie. And then the evil part of my brain says you watch a kid based movie every single night. And then the adult part of my brain says my kid is more important than what I want and I should either skip it all together or see the frickin' chi-chi movie. *sigh* I hate being an adult. What if I bought her a super awesome toy? That would make up for it right? Ease my guilt? Maybe I'll just get a soft pretzel and popcorn from Target and watch a movie at home. *pouts*

Movie selection, or lack thereof

I was hoping to possibly go see a movie tomorrow evening with husband and child. Unfortunately, there isn't anything out right now that is child friendly, aside from that chi-chi movie and I just don't know if I can sit through those little yapping dogs for an hour and a half without killing everyone in the theatre. I also don't know that I could stomach spending $7 a person to sit through such indecency. I'm not opposed to taking Jasmine to see an adult rated film. She's seen movies such as I Am Legend, the newest Batman movie, etc. in the theatre and had no ill effects from them. (ok, so she got bored and passed out in the Batman movie) But I also need it to keep her attention for however long it's going to be on. Saw V would keep her attention but I am NOT taking my 3 year old to see it. Hey, I DO draw the line somewhere. There are a few movies I would like to see but I'll have to watch the trailers to them later on to see if they're something she would even be able to stomach. I thought maybe she would like The Secret Life of Bees but I don't think she'd get into it just because there's a kid actor as the main character. It's a little teenie for her. We were going to go see Eagle Eye last week but decided we didn't have the money for it then. I've seen it since (I'm not telling how as it's not totally legal) and it's not worth seeing it in the theatre. Not to me anyways. There were too many wtf moments. Too many times where I said, 'C'mon, there's no way that is even possible and who is going to open every single case of weapons knowing their putting their fingerprints on them, seriously' It was just too much for me. It's a problem I have with a lot of movies. I can't just enjoy them, I have to pick them a part. I'm not saying I don't enjoy movies that are all but impossible. I really liked I Am Legend but they made it so you almost believed that it could happen. Some of these directors don't even try to make this crap believable. I mean really, you come home from a long day and your apartment is full of weapons. VERY illegal weapons. What would most people's reaction to that be? Hmmm, I would leave, call the police and freak out till they got there. Shia or whatever the guy's name is, decides to open every frickin' case, look over the weapons with a look of mock terror. Really? That's the BEST they could come up with? I would like to see Pride and Glory (and the theatre here has hardly ANY showings of this movie even though it JUST came out and yet 12 showings of high school musical 3... I really don't think that many teenie boppers are out that it's worth two screens), Body of Lies, Max Payne and I'd really like to see Appaloosa. No, it's not about horses for you horse people. It's a western. I love westerns. I've seen Tombstone a hundred times. I'll watch just about any western that looks promising. I'll bet most people don't know that about me. If it's got horses and gunslingers, ghost towns and sheriffs, I'm there. ;) However, I really don't think it's something that a 3 year old would be into. *sigh* Maybe I'll just have to find something else to do. The movies aren't looking promising. Oh and of course I saw one I know she'd like and can't find any theatre playing it unless I want to drive three hours. (The night before christmas in 3D)

Baby Blues

I think it's partly the hormones and partly the withdrawaling, but I found myself freaking out at the thought that this could be my last pregnancy. My husband doesn't want anymore after this one. I want one more. I have said several times, I want to wait till we come to a set in stone decision. (he plans on getting the snip-snip when we're done ~ his idea, not mine) I wanted to wait till the one I'm carrying in started in school and the decide if I wanted one last child. I just can't imagine never getting to do all this stuff again once this baby gets bigger. No more onsies, no more first steps, no more first giggles. I want to see what it's like to have these two together for a while and then try and gauge what the next baby's response would be to mommy being pregnant again. I originally told my husband I wanted four. He said he wanted one. I said we'll compromise at three. ;) He still hasn't went for that compromise. I guess if I've got to freak about something right now, this is better than more major issues. (money) I have also stated several times, if I have gestational diabetes, I will not be having anymore and that's probably the truth. I can't go through all the sticking and poking all over again.

Blah Blah Blah Grrrr

Rocky won't need to go to the vet this week. He stopped all limping yesterday sometime and hasn't had any issues since then. The injury, I found, was self inflicted. I let him out after they ate tonight but didn't leave him out long. He scared the crap out of me the other night when I was bringing the plants in off the front porch. It was the middle of the night and someone comes walking up the pathway. I look up and it's Rocky, out of the fence again. Tonight, I went to let him in and heard his tail hitting the backdoor but didn't see a dog. Ok, odd. I open the door and hear the fence shaking. I figure I misheard the tail and he got out of the fence again and was leaning up against it, waiting to be let in. I walked outside to get him and find that he's actually stuck. ON the fence. I tried to get him down on my own but he weighs more than my doberman. Eventually I gave up and went to wake up my husband. When I said the words your dog is stuck on the fence, he took it the wrong way, jumped out of bed expecting the fence to be protruding from Rocky. Of course, when I got to the backdoor, he had freed himself and was waiting to be let in. I had told my husband earlier in the night that I thought that was where he was getting out and that I thought he was jumping onto the trash can that was just outside the fence. Well, turns out my husband actually listened to me for once and moved the trash can. Looks like Rocky didn't realize it had been moved till he was halfway over the fence. Now to figure out a way to keep him from trying to get out that way again. The fence is chain link so it's not like I can attach a piece of wood there and some extra fence up high. Dumb dog.
The withdrawal symptoms aren't as bad today, particularly because I know why I'm feeling funky. I pretty much hate everything today however. Everything that anyone says or does makes me want to snap. Of course that means that the dogs and kid chose today to be obnoxious. Dogs eating cat food and cat pooh. Kid ignoring all punishments handed out to her. I might as well be yelling at myself. All the dogs ended up in the backroom, far away from me. Trust me, they were safer there. ;)

Withdrawals

I'd been feeling ill most of the night. Just felt wrong. I don't know how to explain it. I started getting worried it was something to do with the baby. I was almost ready to call and wake my doctor up at one point and time. Then I realized, I'm going through withdrawals. I EFFING hate withdrawals. I stopped taking my Ambien last night after tapering off to the lowest dose you could possibly chop a pill into. It was somewhere around 2.5mg I was taking for the last several weeks. So tonight when I started to feel weird and a little sick to my stomach, it wasn't anything to do with the baby. I'm going to be honest, I was/am addicted to those little pills. It's hard to go years and years without a good night's sleep and then have a pill handed to you that not only gives you those things but makes going to bed something pleasant and not something I dreaded. I'm taking a small dose of Lunesta right now to try and combat the effects of the Ambien. I had completely forgotten that I could have symptoms from the withdrawal other than issues with sleeping. Tomorrow will be worse. The second day without them always is. You body builds this drug up inside it and it takes about seven days to remove it all but the second and third day are usually the hardest for the withdrawals. I am NOT looking forward to tomorrow. It's been a fight just to get myself to the point that I would and DID say ok, I'm quitting them. I said it quite a few times, over and over but then I'd say just one more night or I have to get up early in a few days anyways so why stop taking them till after then, etc. etc. Finally, I made the first move and got this thing going. I just really hate withdrawals. They totally suck. I did find a book I'm going to buy on Friday through looking at different forums of people talking about their addiction to these pills. It's called Say Goodnight to Insomnia By Gregg D. Jacobs. (well the title is a lot longer but that's all you need to know about it if you're interested) Several people on those sites said it helped them a great deal and it only takes six weeks. Six weeks to get to the point where I can sleep without taking pills? That my friends, would be a miracle, but I'm going to give it a try.

Food

I am so bored with dinner lately. It's the same things over and over again. I'm not very adventurous with food and admittedly, I'm extremely picky. I make it difficult on myself. I don't like to try new things with dinner because I don't want to find that I think it sucks and then be hungry. When my dinner is done, I want to eat it and be full, not hungry and bitchy. Tomorrow we'll be having pork chops, the meat is always left to my husband (if I have to look at the dead animal, I usually have trouble eating it) and the sides are mine. I've found that I can't have potatoes while I'm pregnant as they've been making me sick afterwards. One side down. Otherwise we usually have either green beans, corn of some kind or noodles. Every night that we cook at home those are the choices. I'm. Bored. Tonight I'm going to make a run to the grocery store and see if I can find some quickie noodles to make that are a little different from the ones we have every single dinner. I stopped making macaroni and cheese years ago because my husband isn't a fan. However I found a recipe (I usually make it out of the box) that sounds decent and I'm going to try that out next week. I'm going to search allrecipes.com a little more before I go to bed and see if I can find a few others I'd like to try. Like I said, I'm extremely picky, it's not easy to find something that seems appealing unless it has the words cookie/cake/candy in it. ;) I did find some soups (I've never been a big fan of them because they always have giant veggies in them... not a fan of healthy.. haha) that I'd like to try when the weather gets a little cooler. Although it's pretty cold out right now. I love chicken and dumplings but I can't make it. No, can't isn't the word, won't is more like it. To make it the best way, you need to use the entire chicken to make the soupy part, something to do with the bone marrow. That grosses me out to no end. Plus, I don't make it a point to touch raw meat if I can avoid it. I could do skinless/boneless but not the whole chicken. We'll see what I can figure out.
I'm not sure what position baby is in right now. I think it's still breech but I have felt some pretty strong movement a few times above my belly button. Probably still breech though as I've felt more lower than higher. It doesn't help that baby seems to be rather sedate today. There's been movement, just not the normal flipping around like a fish out of water all day long. At least I don't have a head stuck in my ribcage today.

The day

The beginning of the day wasn't very pleasant for me or Jasmine. I knew as soon as she woke me up that she wasn't feeling well. She immediately asked for the water I keep next to the bed and drank it faster than I was comfortable with. Even so, I had an extremely difficult time falling asleep the night before so I napped while she sat on the bed and watched Dora. I think she fell asleep at the end of the bed as Dora was over and The Crocodile Hunter was on in it's place. Usually Jasmine wakes me up to turn something else on but this had been on almost a half hour. She woke me up saying Mommy and she was throwing up. It's not unusual with her. It happens every few months and I truly believe it's normal for a kid to throw up occasionally. This time freaked me out a little bit. The moment she was done throwing up, she passed out. I thought she just laid her head in my lap but when I tried to talk to her, I realized she was completely asleep. She responded to me when I talked to her however, so I just let her sleep while I tried to clean up around her, being as I was unable to move. After a half hour or so, she woke back up and complained of her stomach bothering her. I knew it was only a matter of time as I could hear her tummy making noises. Of course, she wanted to drink a ton of water when she woke up. It was like pulling teeth getting her to slow down and then eventually, taking away the water. She threw up not long after and slept very lightly afterwards. When she woke up completely, I allowed her only a small amount of water. It would be about an hour before I was pretty sure she wasn't going to get sick again. As I said, we've been through this before and I'm getting pretty good at figuring out when the worst of it is over. A half hour later she began to say her stomach was hurting again but I had a pretty good feeling that she was overly hungry by that time. We were able to talk her into eating some crackers and within a half hour, she was fine. I'm not sure my husband has ever witnessed how quickly she goes from being sick to bouncing off the walls. I kept telling him it's like a switch is flipped and she's just suddenly fine. I cleaned up and she was running through the house, talking up a storm and playing. She even had a piece of pizza.
The fish are doing well, particularly Fred, the electric blue lobster. He started to perk up within an hour of removing the heater. He ate a lot better tonight as well. It's a good thing I had problems sleeping as the temperature in the tank was already over 89. (as high as it goes on my thermometer) I'm certain that by the time I woke up, most if not all of the fish would've died.
I'm watching the Freebirthing show now. My brain is having difficulty doing two things at once. These women are nutty but somehow manage their pain far better than I could have or even that I did. I still think that it's absurd to go through the delivery with no back up whatsoever. It's terrifying to me the amount of women who have never heard of this practice before seeing this show and now may decide to birth at home without a medical professional. I know there are women out there who wouldn't have considered it before seeing this show.

Greenery

Shakes head. Looks at living room. Shakes head again. Looks in kitchen and hangs head. There are plants everywhere. I have a vine in my living room that is almost as tall as I am, a tree in my kitchen, two bushes in the computer room, along with a spider plant and two spider plants in the kitchen. Oh and the rose bush as well as some plant I got as a gift when we moved in here. To top it off, the spider plants are gigantic. I need to find people who want baby spider plants so that I can start chopping off their chutes and trim them back to a reasonable size. All these huge plants in my house all winter long... I'm going to go crazy. You wait, one day you'll see on cnn, woman goes on plant killing spree after months of overgrowth.

Quickie

So I was having trouble falling asleep, get up to pee (I do that a lot right now) and figure while I'm up I'll check on the fish. Fred had been acting a little more perky earlier and I wanted to see if anyone else had improved any. I'm standing next to the tank and think Damn, something feel warm. The only thing near me producing any electricity is the tank. Weird. I touch the glass and sure enough it's warm. The outside of the fish tank or the inside for that matter should never feel warm to the touch. Shit... SHIT. I dip a finger in the water, really warm. Shit. It should feel cold to me. I check the temperature gauge. It's so high that it's no longer registering. Although I can tell if it came down a degree that it would. That would make it at about ninety degrees. This is a tank that should be about 74 at all times. I take the heater out and it's set to almost the lowest setting offered. Ok, note to self, need to buy new tanker heater on top of the air bubble maker thing that is breaking. I unplugged the heater. I took out about two gallons of water and replaced it with two gallons cold water. You can make a drastic change in water temperature or you'll possibly kill the fish. Basically, my fish were dying because I was cooking them. I never even thought about the possibility. I figured since within the last month I added the cichilds that they must have come with a parasite or something. I didn't realize I was making a stew in my fish tank. I just hope they all last long enough for the water to cool off. Damn.

Freebirthing

Tonight I'm recording via the DVR a show called Freebirthing. (or what I've been calling crazy people who get pregnant (: ) Basically, these women decide they want to birth at home... with no doula, no midwife, no one medically trained in OB or birthing. I heard on the previews one woman say, "This way if something goes wrong I only have myself to blame." I'm all for to each his own but can't these women find a doula or midwife that they are comfortable enough to have just in case something goes wrong. There are things that happen in childbirth that are unexpected and no amount of planning or preparation can prevent. The little thing of having meconium in the amniotic fluid could be extremely serious if you are not trained to deal with it immediately. If baby inhales some of that after they are born, the consequences can be severe for baby, including death. Anything can happen. I just can't understand not wanting to have everything in place in case something goes wrong. I think it's a large part of the reason I was interested enough to set it to record. I'm also interested in seeing how they deal with the pain of an at home birth without a trained professional to help them through it. Maybe after watching it, I'll understand them more and possibly not label them as crazy people. ;)

This N That

I meant to stop at the grocery store after leaving my mom's house tonight but was full from dinner so I skipped it. Now I wish I had something to snack on.
It seems I'm having a problem with my fish tank. I'm not really sure what is going on. Fred, the blue lobster, seems sluggish and skinny, definitely not his normal self. The rainbow shark died this morning and a week ago I lost my remaining cichild. I checked the water and well, it sucks. The nitrates are through the roof as is the alkaline. But nothing should be affecting the fish to this degree. I threw in some stuff I had to help with the levels and I'll check it again in a few days. I treated the water for possible parasites before the cichild died, only realizing afterwards that it could harm Fred. Luckily, I only used a fraction of the amount needed because I ran out of the stuff and as soon as I realized what I'd done, I turned the filters back on. Hopefully, he'll perk up in a day or two and the other fish don't get sick.
I got a little more cleaning today. I got a late start however and had to get Jasmine to bed and stopped. Cleaned the floor in the living and in the bathroom. Ick, I hate cleaning the bathroom. I'm going to clean the dreaded toilet after Jasmine goes to sleep. Double ick. I figured by now I'd be feeling everything I've been doing the last two days but so far so good. When my belly stops hurting, I stop for a day and so far, no belly pain. Maybe I'll actually be able to get the living room really clean tomorrow. Ugh, I just realized that tomorrow we're bringing in the plants from outside that won't survive a frost. Where the hell am I going to put them all? Right now, I have a TREE in my kitchen. It's a hibiscus and can't survive the winter outside, therefore it's in my kitchen. A tree. In my kitchen. The vine is going to be even worse. I need to look it up and see if I can trim it back really far without killing it. It produces flowers all the time, tons of them but it's taking over. When I bought it, it was a wee little thing, now it's bigger than the stand I bought for it to wrap it's vines around. I also have several spider plants that need to come in, one of which needs a new pot since the one it's in has a crack in it and won't hold water. As well as the two bushes that I don't think are ready for a winter yet. Looks like my husbands computer room is going to have a few plants in it for a while. It's one of the few rooms that gets a good amount of natural light. It'll look like a jungle erupted in that room tomorrow.

Late Night Musings

I received an email the other day from my dad. I'm fairly certain the entire reason for the email was to tell me that he'd stopped smoking pot. I'm really not sure what to reply. You may think I should be saying awesome dad! But I've known him long enough that I doubt it's permanent and he's doing "legal" drugs for the same purpose. It's just hard to know what is expected of me. Besides that, almost everything my dad does or says has an arterial motive. I take nothing at face value. On the few occasions that I've tried to see things that way, I've gotten burned fairly badly. I spent most of my very early adult years getting burned by him, I've learned my lesson. Knowing what I know now, it's hard to believe that my parents were ever together in any way shape or form considering how opposite they are, let alone together till I was 15. It's supposed to be easier to deal with your parents when you become an adult but with my dad, it's been nothing but. I've learned things as I've gotten older that I wouldn't have understood years ago or caught onto. When you're younger, the world revolves around you and you think nothing can get by you. You think you know it all. As you become an adult, you realize that many things are not what they seem(ed) and that you really know nothing. You spend your childhood wishing you could be older, wishing you could do what you want. You spend your adult years (at least some of the time) wishing you could go back to a time when you were younger, naive and with less on your shoulders. Funny how it works out.
HAHAHAHAHAHA I'm watching the most recent Family Guy right now. Stewie and Brian have stepped into a time machine and they're in Nazi Germany. They knocked out a couple of Nazi soldiers and on one of the soldiers collars was a McCain/Palin button. I think you can figure out what the writers were insinuating there. Ok, so there may be someone out there that doesn't see the humor in that. ;)

I need to think of some witty subject lines...

Baby has been in the breech position for several days now. It's extremely uncomfortable. I don't remember Jasmine spending time in that position while I was pregnant with her, although I'm sure she did. I've been begging baby to move back into head down. Right now there's so much pressure on my back that it hurts constantly and when I wake up in the morning, it takes me a good ten minutes to get moving off the bed because I feel like a creaky old man. Big fat headed baby.
Despite my slow start to the morning, I got quite a bit accomplished for the first time since... I don't know when. Both me and Jasmine got a shower in, afterwards I cleaned the kittens litter box and cleaned up their room. The ferrets got a clean litter box and clean cage. They've been messy little buggers lately too. While I was cleaning their cage, I decided I may give them a bath before the end of the night. Although at that time it just depended on how much time I had. My neighbors dogs were yappier than usual tonight so I had to let the dogs out in small shifts, meaning it took forever to get everyone in and out to potty. Jasmine helped do the laundry. She actually gets mad if I don't let her help. I don't see what's so fun about it and wish she could do it all but she's too short. ;) I cleaned up the kitchen a little bit. The recycling was all done on Friday and yet, it's already starting to pile up. I'll have to bring a bin in tomorrow sometime. While Rocky was outside, I decided to bite the bullet and clean the ferrets. (and then scrubbed the bathtub afterwards, since I realized it was starting to look a little on the dirty side) You should really only do it once and a year and seeing as how I've only had them since last Christmas, I have never given them a bath. The girls like to play in small puddles so I thought maybe it wouldn't be a nightmare. It was a nightmare. Imagine washing three very skinny, long cats at the same time. Bear ended up biting me, AFTER he was out of the bath and dry, and WHILE I was trying to wash Boots. They had been a bit on the greasy side lately and since I've never given them a bath, I wasn't sure if it would help but they look a ton better now. Although, all three are still pouting. Bindi was pretty good, although she wanted out of the bathtub, at least she didn't try to eat me or scratch me within an inch of my life. I've checked on them several times since they've been back in their cage. I always worry when I do something with the animals for the first time. I also got the fish tank cleaned out, which requires emptying 25% of the water (in a 55 gallon tank) and then adding clean water. Rocky is still limping today. I think it's about the same or a little worse than yesterday. I'm almost certain he'll be a the vet's office by the end of the week. Poor dog. I had the energy to do more but by then it was midnight and I like to get Jasmine in bed by 12:30. That way she can watch whichever movie she chooses and still be asleep by the time Shawn gets up for work... usually. Now I'm hungry and want cookies... or a soft pretzel... or nachos. I think I'm stuck with the cookies for now as I have neither of the others. ;)

Rocky Pumpkins

We went pumpkin shopping today. There's a small farm just down the road from my house that has a "petting zoo" (farm animals they bring over from the farm and set up for the month of October), hayride, food and of course, pumpkins. I've been going there for odds and ends since I was a kid, it's RIGHT down the road from my house so I thought why not go there for our pumpkins. I was hoping to get three, two orange and one white but they didn't have any good sized white pumpkins. (which by the way, glow really cool when cut up and a candle is put in it) Jasmine enjoyed petting the farm animals, the ones that came to the fence anways. The sheep were too busy butting heads and the cows were too busy sleeping. (the sheep butted the entire time we were there... the cows had more straw to lay on than I've ever seen in one place) There were baby piggies and I enjoyed them and their snorting the most. I hate to think they may end up someone's dinner but then again, piggies taste pretty good as guilty as I feel saying that. They had a minature horse. He was cute but I'm partial. There were various birds, chickens, turkeys, ducks, pigeons and peacocks. One of the roosters was particularly interested in Jasmine but after my past experience with roosters, I didn't let her get to close to him. Afterwards we went and picked a couple of pumpkins (and two gourds as I previously mentioned, Jasmine is partial to them). I picked the pumpkin that probably wouldn't have found a home right away. ;) Even with food I'm a sucker. Shawn picked one that was near perfect. Next year we'll probably go to a you-pick farm but this year I didn't have the patience for it. (this farm everything has already been picked and set out for you... I believe the actually farm is down the road from the mom and pop store that we were at)
After the farmy fun, we got dinner and went to Target. Nothing exciting. I just wanted to look at the LED Christmas lights. They're ten bucks for a line of sixty. I was hoping to do the tree in all LED this year but I'm not sure if that's going to happen or not with those prices. When we got home, I let the three remaining kittens out. Saffron followed my husband around most of the night, even waking up on my lap to watch him when he got up. Raven got punished for hanging off my curtains and pulling them down. She went back in her room for the night. Sage was already in there. She meows constantly when out of that room. I can only handle it for an hour or so before she goes back. After I put everyone away, I went to see if any of the dogs were outside. Saturdays are my husband's night to feed them and let them outside and he typically forgets to tell me if they're still out when he goes to bed. I saw Rocky's crate was open so I went to let him in. He's usually at the door waiting at night. He wasn't there tonight. I called him quietly but he didn't come. (I have to be as quiet as possible or my neighbor's yappy dogs go nuts) Eventually I went and got the flashlight. Sometimes he goes out in the yard far enough that he doesn't know I'm calling him. It's always been a fear of mine that I will go to let the dog(s) in and no one will come. I will go looking for them and find that some psycho killed them and then kidnaps me. Yes, I've seen too many movies, why do you ask? I'm getting freaked out when I reach the end of the cement and getting ready to go wake my husband up and tell him to look for the damned pit bull. I hear something walking up on the other side of the fence. It's Rocky. OUTSIDE of the fence. Our yard has electric wires across the top and bottom of it and it works. Thousands of volts of electricity go through those wires. Rocky has hit them before and has avoided the fence ever since, no way would he try and go through it. If he hadn't tried to push through the large gate, I would've thought someone let him out of the yard. He was trying to get back in the yard the way he escaped. Some how he pushed his fat little body through a very small opening. Shawn is going to make it more difficult to open tomorrow. We live on a busy road, the dog is lucky not to have been hit by a car. He also started limping badly this morning on his left front leg. To the point that he fell several times. It obviously hurts and sometimes when he puts weight on it, it buckles. I gave him some anti-inflammatory drugs for dogs tonight but it didn't seem to do anything. I think he'll need to go to the vet but he'll unfortunately need to wait till the end of the week when we have money. Xrays will be done I'm sure and I'm also pretty certain it will not be great news. He had an accident when he was about a year old and if he over does it now, he limps but never anything like this. I worry that he may have fractured a small part of the bone in his shoulder at that time. It's very difficult to be sure how hurt a pit bull is. They were bred to never show pain and are pretty good at it. Even today, when he could hardly put any weight on his leg, he took off running when I tossed a frisbee out of my way. (he's obsessed with them) I know it had to hurt and yet, he never showed any signs of pain and wagged when he limped back to me. So on the day that I was supposed to have my three hour GD testing, I will probably be at the vet's office.

Picture Day apparently

This is Savannah, my red merle Aussie. She's a love bug. Oh, and there off to the right side is Saffron. ;)
This is Savannah's face when she's hoping mommy doesn't crush her. I has kneeling over her while she was on her back. She seemed concerned.
And this is Savannah when two people make an irritating sound at the same time. Seriously. I was trying to get her ears up and her head to turn so I made a strange noise, then in the living room, Jasmine started making a weird noise to copy me. This was the end result.
She was talking out the side of her mouth when I took this one. One of those 'yes mom, now just take the picture.' The gourds behind her... she holds them all the time. She even took two of them with us when we left to go shopping tonight. I made her leave them in the car.
I included this one because it's one that I found on my camera. Jasmine took it at some point and time today. I always think it's neat when she's able to center objects in the view finder considering she's 3. If she gets some kind of artistic eye, it will be a miracle, as me and her daddy have none. Lucky for her, there is something in our family as my uncle is a professional photographer and my brother is a pretty good artist.

Kitties last photos before leaving

I really wasn't able to get a great picture of this cat, Pumpkin. He's not really people friendly (gee can't you tell by the expression on his face?) and wouldn't sit still. I finally gave up and decided to make do with what I had.

This is Nutmeg. I have quite a few pictures of her from her last day but tried to include the two best of them. She was a really cool cat. When you laid her on her back, she just went limp like a ragdoll kitten. Saffron does the same thing. She was extremely interested in the pumpkin and gourds. Every picture I have of her, she was near them. And yes, for those who know my house, this is the kitchen counter... I cleaned it after the kitties got down. ;)

Frosty

I went into the cat room this afternoon to get the kittens ready to go and found Frosty, the siamese kitten had died. I have no idea what caused it. He was acting more clingy last night than usual but the cat was always clingy. I feel badly that I didn't give him more attention but I thought he was just being annoying at the time. Maybe he was feeling badly and trying to tell me. One thing is for sure, that was an awful phone call to make afterwards. (I had to tell the girl who fosters with me) I ended up taking Pumpkin and Nutmeg as Raven had a runny eye and I wanted to be on the safe side rather than have her go to an event and make it worse. (stress from events can make little kittens sicker if they have even something minor) Everyone else is acting normally. Saffron really needs to be completely healthy so he can be adopted out. Everyday that he is here, is another day to get a little more attached. I remembered to get a few pictures of Nutmeg and Pumpkin before I left but haven't gotten them on the computer yet. My husband still thinks both Pumpkin and Raven are cute. I think he needs his eyes checked. ;)

Sleep, damnit, sleep

It took an hour and a half to get Jasmine to sleep. That's an hour and a half of my bladder being full, not being able to move and trying not to smack her every time she moves. Wouldn't you know, when I took a deep breath, calmed down and said to myself, she'll fall asleep when she falls asleep... she passed out. It usually takes no longer than ten minutes. I become frustrated after about thirty minutes, angry at an hour and defeated a half hour later. The entire time I'm trying to think back to what sugary concoction she may have gotten into to cause her to be restless and can't think of anything. She had milk in bed. Crackers before bed. No sugar. Then my mind began to wander, as it tends to do... often and I remembered a youtube video I had seen. This is, in my opinion, one of the best video's ever put on this site. I loved it and still do. I tried embedding this video but... I failed. So you'll have to click the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2HipedgM3I

Bye Bye

Tomorrow two or three of the foster kittens will be leaving me. I don't know if it's permanent or not yet. For now, it's just so they can go to an adoption event that I am unable to attend. Originally I was supposed to bring the siamese kitten and Nutmeg, one of the calico's but the siamese kitten is having some... bowel issues so he has to stay. Then I noticed that the two orphan kitties are doing much better and would probably be good for an event. I've renamed them (again) in the spirit of Halloween. The black one is now Raven and the orange one is now Pumpkin. All this time I thought Pumpkin was a girl... I found out last night that Pumpkin is a boy. When they're itty bitty, it's hard to tell and I hadn't checked since they were tiny. I'm just glad the new name was unisex and I didn't have to come up with yet another. If those three go, I will have Saffron, Sage and Frosty left here. It sure will be nice to only have to clean a litter box for three kittens instead of six. You'd be shocked at how quickly one litter box fills up with that many kittens. I can't miss a night of cleaning it or I have to toss everything in it. I'll also be getting food and litter tomorrow. I used the last of the litter tonight and there wasn't much there. I'm not sure if my husband is aware or not but he'll be coming with me to drop them off. I have to drive through a questionable area in order to get to the other fosters house and never like going alone. Plus, I don't want to try to carry the food and litter at seven months pregnant. I've got to try and remember to get some pictures taken of those kittens before they leave in case they don't come back. I still think the orange and black kittens are ugly but maybe someone else will see their abnormally large eyes as endearing.

Meez

Doesn't that HURT

I'm feeling a bit better today about the gestational diabetes than I was yesterday. The panic has subsided for now. Pregnancy would be quite a bit easier on me if I didn't have such issues with needles. Trust me, if I could just think it away, I would. Many seem to think it's because I work myself up before getting stuck and that's why I pass out, but it really has nothing to do with my frame of mind before. I can be completely fine with the idea beforehand (as was the case with my flu shot last year) and still pass out or come really close. (sometimes I'm not sure what's worse, coming THIS close or actually passing out... both suck) If you've never had the privilege of passing out, it feels awful. You begin to sweat, the room starts to spin and your head just feels funky. Once you wake up, you feel like you've just woken up with the worst flu you could ever imagine and sweat is literally dripping off your face. It's just really an awful feeling. I know once I talk to my doctor and get a paper to go to the other place and have the test done, that I'll start to panic again. The night before and the day of the test will be the worst as far as that goes. My brain starts trying to come up with excuses why I can't go or shouldn't go. It happens every time I have to get stuck with a needle.
The following conversation occurred with my daughter as we were getting ready to take a shower.
Jasmine: That's my vagina (pointing)
Me: Yes it is.
Jasmine: That's your vagina.
Me: Yes dear. *sighing and wishing she'd stop pointing*
Jasmine: That's your belly and the baby comes out there.
Me: No, the baby comes out your vagina. (you watch, I'll end up with a c-section and have to explain why suddenly the baby came out of my stomach)
Jasmine: Doesn't that HURT? (scrunches up her nose)
Me: (laughing) YES.
Jasmine: Why does it hurt?
Me: Well the baby's head is big and your vagina is made small.
Jasmine: Oh, Ok.
Shawn has never really been a fan of the fact that I taught Jasmine proper names for her parts and not cutesy names like peepee or what have you. I think it will make it easier for her to talk about those things as she gets older if she's always used the proper name. It is thought that using the cutesy names makes it seem like there is something wrong with talking about that body part or embarrassing about that body part. Now, I don't want her running around showing the world her who-who but I want her to be able to talk about it if need be without a bunch of "you know, that place, thing, who-who." One incident that embarrassed my husband took place at the grocery store. I was getting some donuts, Shawn and Jasmine were standing about ten feet away. I heard Jasmine loudly say "Daddy that's my VAGINA." I looked and sure enough, she was full out pointing to her crotch. He just looked at me like YOU did this. ;) This was when she was first coming to the understanding that certain parts had names. I, of course, thought it was hilarious. Kids are fun.

Not Happening

I've been crying on and off for the last seven hours. It's more about feeling very lonely than about what happened. I failed my glucose screening by two points today. Anything under 140 and you're good, no more tests. I tested at a 142. Afterwards, all I wanted to do was get out of there as fast as possible because I could tell I was going to start crying. I get in the car, start crying and all my husband has to say is why are you crying. And proceeds to tell me all the reasons I shouldn't be feeling any of the things I'm feeling. I told him I didn't really feel like talking about it before we were even out of the parking lot. They made me an appointment for my three hour screening today which I fully intend on canceling tomorrow. At first, I wasn't sure what I was going to do and I'm still not completely but one thing is for sure, I absolutely will not be going back there for future blood draws. I always tell them that I pass out so that a) they'll hopefully put me reclining and b) they don't freak out when/if it does happen. The lady who took my blood decided to use a rather large gauge needle because in her opinion, my blood would flow faster, thus less time with a needle in my arm. I tried to explain to her that my veins are fine, it never takes any time to get blood and I usually pass out AFTER the blood draw. She just smiled at me condescendingly and grabbed the large gauge. I've never had that much pain during a blood draw. She's lucky I didn't pass out. I heard the whoosh, whoosh of blood in my ears that usually tells me it's going to happen soon but Jasmine started picking her nose and distracted me. (I was telling her to knock it off) If I decide to go back for another test, it will be at the blood bank, downstairs from my OB's office. One of the girls that works there has drawn my blood two other times this pregnancy and if I have to get stuck three times in one day, I want her to be the one to do it. I just have to go in on a day she works and find out what her day off is so I don't go in that day. My OB's office also only schedules the blood draws for 8:30am. Ok, you all know I don't do mornings. On top of that, there's no one to watch my kid and on a three hour draw, I would most definitely have to have someone drive me. So, my husband can take the day off work, sit with me and Jasmine for three hours at the OB's office (let me tell you, an hour with her in that office was ENOUGH) or I can go in at noon to the blood bank, have less people around so Jasmine can be a little more... well, bad/noisy/playful. The main reason I'm not concerned about having diabetes is that when I was pregnant with Jasmine, my test was 138. I don't test well on the one hour. I didn't have a three hour with her and I KNOW I didn't have diabetes that time. I'm at two week appointments now so I don't plan on doing anything till after I talk to my OB. (my 3 hour was scheduled for three days before my next appointment so I don't think an extra few days is going to make a big difference) Like I said, I'm more upset with my husband than about the results. Although I think he believes that it's just because I have to be stuck with a needle. Yes, that's a big part of it but that's not why I'm upset RIGHT this moment. My pizza is done. For now I'm going to go eat something for the first time in over 24 hours. (I fasted to be on the safe side for the glucose test and then was too upset to eat afterwards)

Good Day

My uncle seemed touched, in his own way, at the gift I brought him. He joked that he already had three cakes but then later told me that I was the only one who made him one. He was intoxicated the night he told me about the jukebox and the song that was on it so he was very how did you even know about it considering you weren't born yet? Then I reminded him he'd told me about the one song, Polk Salad Annie and I ran with it from that point on. His daughter, her husband and his son were all there. He really seemed in a genuinely good mood the entire time I was there. It was nice to see. It turned out to be a pretty nice day. I was pretty pissed at that cake this morning since the frosting kept pulling off the cake. Many expletives were spoken towards it. The frosting melted partially before we even left my uncle's. haha
Tomorrow I have an OB appointment. The main reasoning is for the gestational diabetes testing. Damn needles. At least I'll, hopefully, get a chance to talk to him about my pulse/blood pressure and anything else that is bothering me. And I'm pretty sure it's the last blood test I have to get unless the test comes back that my sugar is high.

Taking Bets

I'm glad to be nice and comfy in my bed. What would I do without my laptop? My uncle's cake is made and almost ready for his birthday tomorrow. I say almost because I only frosted it enough to stick the two cakes halves together. It was still a little warm to be frosted and covered. And for the second cake in a row, I got both halves out without mutilating them! Ok, those are the only two times I've gotten them out without mutilating them. We also got the cd finished today. I'm ready to go when we get up tomorrow! That's a first. ;)
Yesterday I broke down and went bra shopping. If this is TMI for you... grow up. ;) My stomach and chest are in a competition right now to see who can stick out the farthest in nine months. They're at a tie at the moment. With my first pregnancy, I went up two cup sizes, from a B to a D and never went back down. Some women would be happy about this. I wasn't. I never was the type of person that wanted bigger boobs or implants, ever. The only store in the area that now carries my size since this pregnancy, is Victoria Secret. It would be nice if I could've bought a few cheap bras till after this baby is born but that's not the way it works in that place. I'm now a 34DD. It's no wonder my back hurts. Bad giant boobs, stop growing. They also seem to be the only thing the opposite sex can look at right now. I never got the obsession with boobs. Really all they are is fatty tissue and milk ducts. If I had fat anywhere else, it wouldn't be seen as attractive but the bigger those things get, the more attention they get.
Oh and the link for the backgrounds/layouts is in the upper left corner of my blog. ;)

New

Don't you just love my new background. Thank you to my chicken loving friend, Kelly for providing the link. ;) I'm sure I'll change this thing a dozen times a month because I loved a lot of the other layouts as well. Ok, now I'm really going to bed. ;))))

So tired

I really need to learn that I should just go every where and do everything by myself. That way I don't have to get pissed off when someone else isn't doing their part. At least at the end of the day, I wouldn't be portrayed as a bitch.

I shouldn't have had a shitty day. I had it all planned out, what I was going to do. I got those things done. *sigh* I'm just still pissed off and can't really think about anything else.

Paranoia

I had put up a treadmill on Freecycle a few days ago. I got a response pretty quickly and told the guy where to pick it up. The first day, he didn't show up with the excuse of had a family emergency. Ok, that's fine, shit happens. He says he'll pick it up the next day, first thing in the morning. Treadmill is still here. I emailed him and said that if he didn't pick it up by the end of the day, I was giving it to someone else and that I hoped everything was ok with his family. I don't think I'll do the freecycle thing again, unless it's answering an ad. This guy has my name and address and I can't help but be a little freaked out about that. I just can't see myself making this a regular thing. It's a good idea but not completely without it's risks in my opinion. Not when you're a stay at home mom. I'll take the stuff to Goodwill or put it in the front yard with a free sign on it from now on. What's ironic is the same day I put it up on freecycle, a guy that my husband works with mentioned his wife wanted one. Well, it's hers now.
And what is up with this kid in my uterus? I don't understand how something so small can be so strong. I'm starting to wonder if this isn't the alien that Sigourney Weaver encountered.

Expirations

I don't know who I'm more pissed at, myself or the BMV for screwing me. I was watching tv tonight when a political ad came on for the current governor of Indiana. It was saying how the lines at the BMV have gotten better, better this, better that, blah, blah, blah. Now I still think the guy is a waste but I thought I should check and see when my driver's license is due to be renewed. I couldn't find it anywhere in my purse. I was at my mom's so not only did I have to drive home without it, I had to go home and look for it. When I got home, I went and looked in my old purse, of course that's where it was. I mean what better place for it considering I moved every other piece of plastic into my new purse. Why the hell did I leave one of the most important pieces in the old one? I don't know why my brain does what it does. At any rate, I look at the expiration date and it was for December... of LAST year. Jesus, I've been driving with an expired license for almost a year. Now at first I was pissed at myself, really pissed. Then I looked at the date issued, 1/27/2006 and date to expire was December '08. Anyone else see something wrong with that? A driver's license in Indiana is supposed to be issued for four years at a time. WTF was I only given two years? There was no reason that I can see (and I looked at the Indiana BMV website forever trying to find one) that I would've only been issued a two year license. I was over 21 when it was issued, so it's not like I had to renew the day I turned 21, as I would have if I'd gotten it a year before. I just don't get it and I know when I go into the BMV to deal with this mess, they won't have any answers and I'm definitely going to look like a dumbass who doesn't know what she's talking about considering it's almost a year after it was due to be renewed. Which by the way, there are some bartenders out there who should be in trouble and shouldn't have served me between the months of January and approximately March. I can't even get the good OTC sinus medication right now because of my expired license. (you know the stuff you have to get behind the counter) Grrrrrrrrrrr

Whoops

Beth reminded me that I haven't updated on the bleeding situation. Dingy me, I forgot I posted about it at all. The bleeding stopped that same night and hasn't resumed so I think for now, everything is fine. I have a (regular, not emergency) OB appointment on Monday and will try to remember to bring it up to him along with the half a dozen other "issues" I've been having. He's either going to be annoyed that I didn't call him and tell him or bored with all the information. ;)

Rings

I've been attempting to migrate my old posts to a new blogger account. Each time, about a quarter of the way through, I get a failed to import message. After five years of blogs, a quarter of the way is a long time so doing this repeatedly is starting to piss me off. As you can imagine, I have been cursing AOL and Blogger quite a bit this last hour or so. Maybe I'll try again on my husband's computer, although I doubt it's a computer error on my part.
Jasmine has requested to watch the first part of The Lord Of The Rings tonight. It's caused quite a few questions on her part. What's HIS name? Why's he doing that? Is that a bad guy? What happened? Why is everyone freaking out? *sigh* Should've kept this movie hidden a while longer. She's already made it a long evening and it's looking to be a bit longer. At least I get to stare at Viggo for a while. *swoons*
And to answer the concerns, there was nothing wrong last night. I was just plain lazy and didn't feel like blogging. Happy Kitteh Post = Nothing Wrong. ;)

No Blog Today

Frustrated

I'm doing my best to actually look at this baby naming book. It's hard to when they have names like Veejay. Really, who names their kids some of these things? You're just asking for your kid to spend their high school years with their head in a toilet if you name them Veejay. The entire book is filled with nonsense. After staring at the entire list of T's, I started to see hieroglyphics instead of letters. I've been through most of the book and only have a handful of names, none of which "feel" right. I actually looked at my stomach and said 'couldn't you just name yourself?' I've used all the good names on the damn animals. ;)

That's MY blood

I started bleeding as I was leaving my mom's house tonight so I've been taking it easy. I don't know how some women do bed rest. I had a hard time keeping my butt on the couch for a few hours. I kept thinking, I need to do the dishes, throw the clothes in the dryer and clean up what's left of the mess from last nights cookies. I almost got up several times before I realized I was supposed to be resting. The bleeding has stopped now and was very light to begin with so I think it was just one of those weird things. I wasn't really worried about it to begin with but thought I should tell my husband just in case it got worse. He'd have been mad if at midnight I said so I've been bleeding for about six hours and need to go to the doctor or something of that nature.
I did end up needing to go out and take care of the cats. There was no getting around it and I forgot till after my husband was in bed. The yellow jackets have left on their own. There was no need to kill anything. Even though I wouldn't have been the one doing it, I was ordering the "hit" so I felt bad enough. I'm glad they decided to find new digs. Dumb cats knocked their water over at some point and time. I hope they were out long. There was still a small amount in the bucket so I'm sure it was something that happened in the last few hours. And has anyone noticed the mosquito's are extremely aggressive right now? I mean, normally they're out for blood. *ha, I made a funny, ha* But these girls were just vicious. As soon as they bit, I felt them, which normally it takes till the numbing vomit wears off. I don't know if they even bothered to numb me. Sadists. ;)

Jazzy in her costume

This is Jasmine in her Halloween costume. She says it's itchy so she won't wear it. I had to snap this picture quickly before she tried to tear it off her head. I'm going to buy a black long sleeved shirt to put under it and she has tights that go with it so by Halloween, we should be itch free.

First attempt at pictures in blog

This is the newest foster kitty, Frosty. He's a siamese mix. This isn't the best picture but it's what I've got for now. This was take just a few minutes after he gouged my finger with his claws. He has an issue with being picked up... so he clawed me.

This is the most recent belly picture, taken a few hours ago. I will be 26 weeks on Monday, two weeks away from seven months. (for some reason I thought it was only another week up until earlier today, then I realized I had to get to 28 before I'd be seven months)
These are some of the cookies I made tonight. At least they look cute. Again, I have no idea how they taste but they look adorable. The ones I made last week were lacking in the looks department.
And here's another closer up, since I have no idea how big these photos will turn out. I may have to go back and resize everything if this doesn't turn out the way I want. (which is exactly what I ended up doing)

I am full of the whines today

My back is killing me. I don't know how many cookies I made and then frosted tonight but I didn't think it through when I started the process. Where the hell do I put them all? The frosting doesn't harden so I can't stack them. Even if I put them all on plates, I still have to cover them somehow and even tin foil will pull the frosting off. And have you noticed that the reynold's wrap stuff doesn't stick to anything anymore? You used to be forced to move at lightning speed in order to keep it from sticking to itself and anything it touches. Now, it sticks to nothing. Isn't that the whole point? What the hell is the use for the stuff if I can't get it to stick to anything? I ended up using pans that were to be used for cakes, breads and who-knows-what. The cookies went in single file, no stacking and then I covered them with tin foil. The pans were deep so the tin foil never touches the cookies, thus, hopefully preserving them without making them... ugly. The frosting was hell to make, just as I remembered. Halfway through my arm was extremely sore and tired so I decided to use the mixer earlier than the recipe calls for. My thinking was why kill my arm when I have a machine that can do it for me. Ironically, earlier in the day, my husband and I had been talking about said mixer and how much hell I've put it through in the two years I've owned it. Even more ironically, it died halfway through making the frosting. I was already having a rough night, spilling everything that I could, forgetting things and just overall pissing myself off. So when the mixers blades started knocking together... the curse words came with it. Something along the lines of you dirty filthy bitch... why today... why? With the F-word thrown in multiple times just for good measure. ;) Because what is a temper tantrum without the F-word, really? I used the mixer until the metal began flaking off the blades and then I thought, well that could be dangerous to eat and went back to arm power. All the while, continuing to curse the mixer. I have a mixer that my grandma left when we bought the house from her but... I can't seem to find the blades that fit the thing. (which I'm pretty sure was one of the first electric mixers made... ever) After the frosting is made, you have to hurry or it will start to get crumbly looking. In my haste to grab more cookies on one of my many trips to the counter, I knocked over a container of candy-ish sprinkles. More cursing ensued. I knocked over it's sprinkle bottle cousin while trying to put the lids on them to put them away when all was finished. My cookies are pretty good looking though, despite all the madness that went into making them. I have no idea how they taste as I was too sore and tired to have much of an appetite for them. Jasmine gobbled one up and said they were very good. Although, she's ridiculously polite for a 3 year old and had already said she liked them before she swallowed the first bite. She's so polite that yesterday an older woman made a comment about it to us and to Jasmine after Jasmine almost ran the woman over. Jazz was very apologetic (without our prompting) and the lady was just so surprised that her age she was aware enough to realize she needed to say excuse me and that she was sorry. I was annoyed at that time of day after Jasmine running like a maniac through the stores and not listening so the woman's comment really made my day. Usually, the older generation is busy telling me what I'm doing wrong and how to do things better. It's nice to have one of them compliment something I've done with my daughter.
My uncle has a bad cold so he won't be coming to dinner tomorrow. Guess he'll get his cake a little closer to his birthday. Now that the cookies are made, it's a big relief to not have a cake to worry about as well. If there's anything left from dinner tomorrow, I'm going to take him a plate.
Funny, just got an email from Kohl's for 50% off all kitchen electronics. Just one of those irony packed days isn't it?
I don't really understand why this pregnancy is so much more uncomfortable than the last. With Jasmine, I would say I don't see why women complain so much, this isn't that bad. The only month I can remember being uncomfortable enough to complain this much was the seventh and that was due to a lot of walking that month. These last few weeks, my back has been killing me, my ribs hurt from this kid shoving it's feet into them and I'm just uncomfortable all over. If I hadn't already had two ultrasounds, I'd be convinced there was two of them in there.

Birthday

The 12th is my uncle's birthday. Normally, he may get a happy birthday in passing. We don't really make a huge deal of birthdays in this family once you hit a certain age and the "kids" have never really been one to get involved in birthday stuff. Yeah, if there's a party/food/event of some sort, most of us will be there but we don't really initiate anything. My uncle has had a really rough year and it's been hard on him. My mom mentioned the other day that she thinks he likes spice cake so while at the store tonight I bought one to make and Jasmine picked out some candy pieces to put on the cake. (I had never had spice cake till my aunt Penny made it for me and it's been one of my favorite's ever since) We're having dinner at my mom's on Sunday and I invited my uncle. He's supposed to let me know tomorrow if he'll be able to make it and if he can, I'll make the cake the night before. I also plan on surprising him next weekend on or the day before his birthday with the cd that I've been planning out for him since around last Christmas. You would think it wouldn't be too hard to get together 13 or so songs for someone but when those songs come off a juke box from 25-30 years ago, it can get iffy. I have complied a list of 13 songs that may or may not have been on it. I KNOW a couple of them were and a few I'm not sure about. Some of them were really depressing that could have been on it so I chose to omit them completely. I want him to feel happy memories when listening to it, not feel more depressed. I'm also adding a few songs that weren't on the box. They're some of my grandpa's favorites and I think that was the entire reason for him asking me to request that song at his daughter's wedding. Maybe I'm reading too much into it and he just wanted to hear a song from way back when but I'm sure he'll enjoy it either way. Usually my uncle and I trade jabs at each other's football teams or what-have-you and I'd like to do something nice for him. I don't know what to do for him for make things easier in his life right this moment but the least I can do is show that I care and am thinking about him. And hey, I'm bringing cake. What's better than cake?

Do I look like a 40/M/California??

I've become the victim of some idiots attempt at internet dating in California. Either the guy doesn't know his own email address or he's using mine for fun. This past week I have gotten four emails from four different sites stating that my account has been activated and instructing me how to update my ad. At first I thought it was just the usual spam but after four in a week, I decided to check it out. The guy has ads, all under my email and not very well thought out at that. I don't think he likes to do anything. I told my husband that if the questionaire asked if he liked breathing, he'd say no. Just about every question asked, he answered that he didn't like whatever they were inquiring about. There must be some extremely boring people in California or just really desperate women because I've received five emails today from women for this guy. I deleted all the accounts and if I continue to be signed up for these things, I may hunt the guy down and torture him till he remembers his own damn email address.