Panic

I can't help but feel panic at the thought of my husband going back to work on Wednesday. I wonder how I will ever stay sane. Evan doesn't sleep for me. When you put him in his bed, he wakes up every fifteen minutes. He sleeps great anywhere else but not there. I don't want him to be in the habit of sleeping in a bouncer or some place else. It makes it really hard to get them to sleep where they're supposed to later on. I would know. And yet, it's the only way we can get him to sleep for any period of time. I have only slept a total of two hours during the same time he's asleep since he's been home. The rest of the time I've been able to sleep has been when I wake my husband up in the morning to take him for me. By the time I wake up, it's as if my brain has been in a full panic throughout my sleep and I wake up feeling the same. I immediately started crying this morning when I walked out in the living room and told my husband I was sorry and I just don't know how I'm going to do it. It's not too hard to think things will be ok in the middle of the day but first thing in the morning and in the evening, I feel totally freaked out. I don't know how I would've gotten through the last few days if my husband hadn't been able to stay home. Oh and I can't sleep when the baby sleeps like I did with my daughter. Why? Because I have to watch my daughter if she's awake. She may not purposely hurt Evan but she can be clumsy when she gets playing and easily hurt him. She can also hurt him on accident just because she doesn't understand how delicate babies are and that they can't eat anything except their bottles. By the way, I've still been reading all of your blogs but I doubt I'll be commenting much over the next few weeks. I'm still visiting however.