Friday, July 31, 2009

Just a thought

This might sound odd but sometime I wonder if I'm not on the cusp of an eating disorder at times. I eat as little as possible and many times, don't eat, even though my stomach is screaming at me for food. I typically eat a halfway healthy dinner and that's the extent of my food intake for the day. It started off years ago. It wasn't out of a fear of gaining weight, I was just all over the place all the time. I didn't have time for two meals a day, let alone three. After I had Jasmine, I became much more aware of what I was eating. (particularly after a heavy summer of baking that made me realize I no longer have the metabolism of a 15 year old) After Evan, it seems to have gotten worse. I still bake but typically send most of it to work with my husband, only leaving a 1/4 of what I made at home for us. (seriously if I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies and DIDN'T send them with him, I would eat the entire thing) We still eat out, which is always going to be higher in fat and calories than if you just cooked at home and I usually get dessert. It's the day to day eating that I think I should be concerned about. One day this week, I ate a hot pretzel at the mall. That was my meal for the day. I didn't have so much as a cookie the rest of the day. There have been several days since Evan was born that I can recall not eating anything for 24 hours. I've come to find that after you get over the initial I'm-so-hungry-I-could-die pains, that you don't feel too bad. Sure you still realize you're hungry but it's not overwhelming. I. will. not. eat. past a certain time of day. No matter how hungry I am or what I've had to eat during the day. I don't want that food sitting there overnight. Now, when I'm working out regularly, I eat more. I don't want to completely deprive my body of food therefore, when the extra calories are being burned off, I eat a little more. Don't think that if you saw me tomorrow, you'd be shocked and want to rush me to the hospital. :) I'm small but I have hips, thighs and a butt that still carry some baby fat on them. I've stored it away for the winter... you know, in case of a blizzard. I have reserves. :) This isn't something I'm seriously concerned about but I do think I should eat more. This coming week (if the doctor would ever call in my Ambien) I plan on working on my sleep schedule. If I get up earlier in the day, I eat lunch and dinner. I'm not sure why. It's almost as if, despite the hours I'm awake, it still feels somewhat odd to eat after dark. I'm sure I'm not improving my mood much. When I'm stressed, I don't sleep or eat. Sure, I bake like crazy but I don't eat it.

The realtor was here today. We signed all the paperwork. In a few days, we should know what we'll be listing it at and then a few days after that, it will be officially on the market. I have a feeling everything after that will just become more stressful. I don't like having people in my house, even if they are shelling out some cash for it.


Beth said...

Another thing we're very similar on. I can easily go all day without eating, and we eat late. I know that's not good, though, and does your metabolism no favors, so I usually try to eat a little something around noon--but it's just a yogurt or a bowl of cottage cheese, and that's it. I'm actually just not very hungry in the early hours. I've always been that way. I don't think it's an eating disorder, because we both obviously love our food! It's just a matter of timing. Hugs, Beth

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Not sure you could survive at Nutwood, we rarely eat before 9:00 PM.

I hope your are on the market for a short time :o)