Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I'm fairly fairly numb off vicodin and alcohol at the moment. The reason I haven't posted regularly? Well, tonight I am living with just myself and my kids. I don't know for how long. I don't know where my marriage is. Counseling will be had at some point but right now, I think my husband needed some air. And I think I've broken the heart of the only man to ever truly love me for the second time in our relationship. I don't know who I am anymore or what I want and I don't know how to figure those things out or find them again. I know, it's not at the bottom of a bottle but cut me some slack. I know that I have definitely found the truest friend I have ever had now that I have went through some of the worst times of my life and she has been there through it all. And never judged me for one single awful thing I have said. I can't say it enough right now Beth. I absolutely love you. I'm so glad that fate (or Dan, whichever... don't tell him I called him fate... shit his ego would kill us all) brought us together. And now I'm going to eat an entire batch of chocolate chip cookies.


Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sound serious, hope you two can find a way to work things out.

Beth said...

Awwww, sweetie, I just read this. {{hugs}} I'm happy to be here for you and you know you've got my shoulder anytime. I may be small, but I can still prop you up pretty well. :) Love ya!

Wes said...


In so many words I can relate with your troubles. I don't know the details, as you don't know mine.

Whenever you wish to simply talk, drop me a line. I've been known to be a good shoulder or ear.

Since I've known you I've felt a great strength from within you. But we are all human and break down, sometimes love is the most difficult thing. To our self and others in our lives.

If my stomach was healthier I would drank more than I do. The downside to alcohol for me is I no longer drink for fun at home, only sadness. When I go out with friends I do have fun.

But I no longer have any, my only friends are online. Almost everyone I had close are now gone. Mostly from death and the few others from life.

I do apologize for my neglect with our friendship, once a friend always a friend to me.

For several months I've struggle with life and communicating with others as you can tell by my actions towards blogger friends.

My marriage is also in trouble. The other night you responded with your kids make you happy, as my daughter does me too. I love my wife and value her friendship in this life. Still, we struggle.

I know that memory and emotions from the past can send a mixed message to your thoughts. I know that emptiness and hurt can way one down. But I rely on my heart to help me cope with life the way it is sometimes.

I do hope life will be kinder to you. I do wish happiness for all the people in your heart.

Please take care my friend.

Lisa said...

Oh boy kiddo, I had no idea what was going on with you. I wish you had emailed or something, I feel bad that I wasn't here before now. I hope everything works out the way you want it to work out. Only you know what the best way is. If you need me just holla.

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