Thursday, January 13, 2011

Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself

I hate that I put every single thing I do off till the last minute. I hate my selfishness. The fact that I can't take criticism without feeling insulted and hurt. I hate my inability to have patience, that I'm always on edge. I hate that I let you use me. And while you do, I say it's ok, no big deal, don't worry about it, let me know if you need anything else, call me. I hate that I need constant praise in one form or another in order to have a good day. I hate that the people I crave that from the most, never give it freely. I hate my inability to trust anything at face value and my suspicion of everyone's motives. I hate that you made me that way. I hate that my heart can feel broken with just a casual phrase. I hate that I don't stand up for myself to you or you. That I'd rather deal with the hurts than fight for myself. I hate that I never truly let anyone in aside from Abby. That I don't trust anyone to love me, for me. That I'd rather sugar coat who I am in hopes that, that will be enough to see past the ugly pieces of who I am. I hate that I have to feel broken in order to eventually feel whole again.

6 comments:

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Hope day two is about things you like about yourself. Knowing our faults shows us a path to being better.

Name in progress said...

I just started reading your blog, I live in Indiana too! I knew you did as soon as I read "lots of corn"... didn't even need to read on.

Chub Johnson said...

Hey Jamie,

That was a profound first posting for me to read on your blog. My name is Chub Johnson and I am with The Write Guyz. I am currently recruiting new Bloggers to contribute to our site. What caught my attention was your love for animals. In addition, you ability to be so passionate and truthful even when the subject is yourself. That's exactly the kind of writers we want. Our goal is to give all our bloggers the ability or would I say a form to gain more exposure through our site. We have all sorts of perks and prizes as well. Now, there is a page by the name of Animology which is dedicated to everything Animals. Surprising to me that your page is geared heavily on animal design but the posts are not. Maybe this page will provide that for you or maybe just help you get more exposure. Either way if you are at all interested contact me at thewriteguyz@yahoo.com I welcome you to check out the site www.thewriteguyz.com and even if you are not interested let me know why. Hope to hear from you soon!

Chub!

Gina said...

Hello Jamie....

I found you through a blog called from Jlandtoblogger. A directory that Krissy set up so we could all connect from Jland to blogger after the move in 2008. I opened up the blog tonight and clicked on your blog. Enjoyed reading it. I am also doing the 30 Days of Truth writing exercise. Trying to get back into writing. When I was over at Jland I had accumulated almost a thousand posts to my journal in 4 years' time. I moved on over to blogger and I have a meager 41 posts to it. I hope to change that by starting with the exercise and posting every day. I will add you to my list of blogs to read and I hope you will do the same!

Gina

test.speed92 said...

I like how you wrote so much, I found, so I am a selfish, I do not like that instead of doing good, doing bad. I get irritated, rather than go on as if nothing had happened, all make it a wasted soul. Love, forget, forgive, is the most beautiful art!Rent A Car Cluj

Sarah said...

Yep, I know this feeling.